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2005 seems to have just flown by. It seems like only yesterday that I was anxiously awaiting many of Hollywood’s 2005 offerings. The final Star Wars film... George A. Romero’s return to his roots... Saw II: the sequel to one of the most original horrors in recent history... and King Kong. Like any other year, 2005 had some great films — some expected, and some surprisingly so.
But before I get to the horror/thriller genre’s picks of the litter, how about we have a few laughs at the expense of five of the year’s worst entries in the genre with The Horror Guru’s Bottom 5 Horrors of 2005...
5. Cursed — This Wes Craven film-with-potential had trouble stemming all the way back to its most basic element: its script. Dimension Films foolishly rushed the film into production even before the script was completed. Murphy’s Law took over at that point, and halfway through principal shooting, production was shut down while the script was retooled. Write Kevin Williamson (who worked with Craven on Scream) never really got a handle on this bad boy, and the final result bore that out. And, while a decent cast was involved with the film, if you don’t have a good script, it won’t amount to a hill of beans in theaters.
4. Hide and Seek — Robert De Niro and up-and-coming rising actress Dakota Fanning starred in this forgettable and predictable hack of a horror flick. All films "borrow" some elements from those that came before it... but Hide and Seek blatantly steals from both Rosemary’s Baby and The Shining. Director John Polson (Swimfan, a Fatal Attraction knock-off) should be arrested for Grand Theft Film. And that is just in the first ten minutes! The rest of the film doesn’t get any better, either. A more appropriate title for this film would be Hide and Su*k. (Censored, in the interest of family-friendliness.)
3. Boogeyman — Take what I said about Hide and Seek... subtract two capable actors... and add a stable from the WB channel, and you’ve got Boogeyman. This is one of those films that you pay for your 10 dollar movie ticket, and immediately regret it. Over the course of this film, I was more occupied with coming up with other ways I could have better-used that crisp Alexander Hamilton. A sad release from Sam (corporate sellout) Raimi’s Ghost House Pictures.
2. House of Wax — Two words: Paris Hilton. Aside from that, I am just glad Vincent Price wasn’t around to see these utter piece of trash... although he probably rolled over in his grave. The acting was horrible even for stereotypical horror standards. The writing was atrocious. This flick’s only redeeming quality came in the form of a few of its original kill scenes. But great deaths will only get you so far in this world... er, I mean industry.
1. Doom — Movies based off of video games generally do not work. They just don’t translate well onto the big screen. Anyone remember the Super Mario Bros. movie? Granted, Doom (a popular computer game from the mid-90’s) did have some chance given an above-average script. That certainly never materialized. The icing on the cake was casting Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the title role.
I’m not even sure what to file Doom under — it’s not quite horror, but it’s not an action flick completely either. Whatever file you put Doom into, do make sure you douse it with some petrochemical fuel and let that baby burn in the dumpster. If you smellllll......
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Whew, that was painful. Thankfully, I don’t think I’ll ever have to talk about those five disasterpieces ever again... unless of course I’m throwing out a zinger to further establish them as terrible ideas. But I would never do anything like that, now would I? Nah. You know me better than that by now!
Now, I’m happy to say, is the time to reveal 2005’s best horror flicks of the year. It was not all that hard choosing the top ten. The hard part came in the ordering. I’ve changed the order up a few times in the past week, and the recent release of Wolf Creek threw a monkey wrench into the lineup as well. But, here it is... the final version of this year’s top of the genre!
10. The Skeleton Key — While not the most original horror movie to include the whole Louisiana voodoo storyline, The Skeleton Key does bring a bit more to the table than just chanting, magic spells, and voodoo dolls. Set in the eerie bayous of Terrebonne Parish in Cajun Country, director Iain Softley does an admirable job at providing a great atmosphere to an all-around interesting story. Kate Hudson looks stunning as well.
9. The Exorcism of Emily Rose — Some hailed this film as the next Exorcist... somthing that would be and is awfully difficult to do. In fact, it’s probably close to impossible. Aside from adding a courtroom drama to the mix, Emily Rose falls into the using the typical conventions of a film of this type. The courtroom drama associated with the story is interesting for the most part, and isn’t overdone. Emily Rose remains more horror than drama, and Laura Linney turns in yet another solid performance. (It seems like only young girls get possessed. I wonder why that is...)
8. The Ring Two — The sequel to 2002’s widely popular The Ring hit theaters back in March to less-than-friendly reviews. In fact, that is one of the reasons I’ve put it here at #8: for spite. The amount of comtempt for this film still surprises me. True, it wasn’t quite as good as the original (most sequels aren’t), but The Ring Two takes the story introduced in the first film and most decidely brings it to another level here. The only area I feel this second film in the series dropped the ball, was the inclusion of some campy elements... most notably at the conclusion when Naomi Watts’ characted screams to the approaching Samara, "I’m not your f**king mommy!" Poor. Very poor.
7. The Devil’s Rejects — This was director Rob Zombie’s follow-up to his first feature film, the highly-original House of 1000 Corpses. His first effort was a bit on the campy side, but truly captured the spirit of classic 1970’s horror. The Devil’s Rejects is much more serious in tone, and includes one of the most exciting endings I’ve seen in awhile. Zombie does a great job by intentionally making it hard for the viewer to figure out just who the "good guys" are... if any.
6. The Amityville Horror — If ever there was a film that desperately needed to be remade, it would be the original Amityville Horror. While the original was not terrible, it tended to be mind-numbingly boring through many stretches. In 2005’s version, manic screwball Ryan Reynolds plays the lead in an astoundingly serious straight role. Who would have known he could pull something like this off. (Although after the recent flick Waiting, it shows where Reynolds’ heart lies.)
Amityville 2K5 has just the right amount of story, scares, and gore to make for an enjoyable ride. Most importantly, the new version flies along, clocking in at just over 90 minutes long... as compared to the much slower-paced 1979 version.
5. Cry_Wolf — Newbie director Jeff Wadlow beautifully incorporated a current obsession of children and adults alike (instant messenging) into a neat pseudo-slasher psychological horror flick. I’m not quite sure why there was so much negativity towards this bad boy, but The Horror Guru finds it completely underserved. Cry_Wolf is the type of horror film Hollywood needs to produce more of: original. Original horrors are a dying breed, and when one like Cry_Wolf comes along, I’m going to make it my personal duty to sing its praises.
4. Land of the Dead — Aside from Revenge of the Sith, George Romero’s return to the subgenre he created was the most anticipated film for myself this year. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead was released in 1968—a time of civil unrest here in the states. The first sequel, Dawn of the Dead was released in 1978—post-Watergate, at the height of the gas shortage, and in the dying days of disco. Day of the Dead arrived in 1985 — after the launch of MTV.
While he outright denies that his films are social commentaries, the evidence showing otherwise is just too overwhelming to overlook. Unfortunately, it was 20 years in between the third and fourth entries in the series, but Land of the Dead was worth the wait. With the release of numerous zombie flicks in the past five years, Romero proved once again just who the King of the zombies really is. I can’t wait for another Romero zombie flick... World of the Dead, anyone?!
3. Wolf Creek — With an end-of-year release date, this Aussie flick was a latecomer onto the Top 10 list. Wold Creek is more of an old-school horror in the same vein as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Last House on the Left. A quiet, idyllic trip to Wolf Creek Crater in Western Australia eventually turns into a living nightmare as a seemingly genuinely helpful real-life Crocodile Dundee wreaks havoc on the lives of three young students.
The gore here is not over-the-top, but is intense enough to make you squirm in your seat. This is not a massively scary film per se, but the intensity you feel as a viewer is palpable. It’s the kind of film that will remain in your mind for quite some time after seeing it. Wolf Creek proves to be great, but not quite as great as...
2. High Tension — French filmmaker Alex Aja hit one out of the ballpark with this outstanding French slasher/psychological horror. This is another example of a perfectly great film being utterly thrashed by so-called experts. I’m not one to call anyone out, but Roger Ebert... get a clue. Your whole "...plot hole large enough to drive a truck through..." is contrived, superficial, and just plain wrong.
While Wolf Creek was quite an intense film, its intensity did not really materialize until nearly an hour in. In High Tension, the tension arrives on the scene almost immediately, gets a death grip on the viewer, and does not let up... at all. This is probably the most intense film I’ve ever seen in a theater... although I bet The Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have taken the cake.
High Tension was my early pick for best horror film of the year, and stayed that way until a surprising come from behind victory by...
1. Saw II — I didn’t think High Tension could be beat. I didn’t want it to be beat. But, by God, Saw II was an amazing horror film on many different levels. First off, rarely can a sequel turn out as good as its original. Saw II did just that... in fact, it easily surpassed it. Second, I don’t think I can name another film with more original and elaborate kill sequences than in Saw and Saw II. Third, the whole premise of Jigsaw’s reasoning behind his actions is perfectly simple, yet amazingly effective. And fourth, the twist at the end of Saw was shocking... but the twist at the end of Saw II was doubly shocking.
I was floored by Saw II. It had everything a great horror film requires. But most amazing is the fact that this film had a turnaround time of exactly one year. Meaning, a new script was written, and the movie shot and editied in time for the following Halloween.
A script for Saw III is being fleshed out as we speak, and was tentatively planned for a Halloween 2006 release. Sadly, the man who produced the first two films, Gregg Hoffman, passed away in the beginning of December. No word on how this will affect Saw III’s timeline, but do expect it by 2007 at the very latest.
Could this be the next great horror franchise? Only time will tell.
Thanks for reading this year... here’s hoping 2006 will be another prosperous year for the genre! Happy New Year!
Next Week: A fun start to the new year with a look at Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice. Plus, next Friday marks the release of the highly-anticipated Hostel. How will the first big horror of 2006 measure up?
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