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(l. to r.) Sophia Bush, Frankie Muniz, Jon Foster and Samaire Armstrong co-star in Stay Alive.
I tend to have pretty good judgment as to which horror flicks I would enjoy and which I wouldn’t. And deep inside me, I knew there was a reason why I skipped going to the theater to see Stay Alive. But it wasn’t until I actually sat down and watched this monstrosity that I truly understood why.
The actual plot is amazingly and refreshingly original. A nerdy, young twenty-something (cameo by Milo Ventimiglia) spends his evening playing an underground video game (while his friend gets laid). The game, Stay Alive, creeps the poor guy out to the point where he thinks he is seeing images in real life. Well, he is. And, since he died in the game itself, he dies in reality as well.
After his funeral, his best friend Hutch (Jon Foster) stumbles upon the game in question and does what any hardcore gamer would do… he shares it with his other loser friends! So we get a scene where five morons are sitting around multiple screens and playing this PC game like their lives depended on it.
OK, they do. But you get my point here!
Over the next few days, as each character dies in the video game, the real-life counterpart dies as well. And, in a sorry attempt at expanding this main plot, writers Bell and Peterman throw in the whole legal angle. Hutch becomes something of a suspect in each murder since he has some relation to each person. Unfortunately, all this serves is to add to the confusing and scatterbrained flow of events.
I’ll start with the good. Stay Alive, as far as I know, is the first “horror” film to incorporate gaming into the main plot. Remember what The Ring did for VCRs… Stay Alive attempts to do the same with your sleek and sexy new XBOX 360.
And that about does it for the good!
Alright, I don’t really know where or how to begin here. If you’ll allow a gaming term... Stay Alive tries to do way too much than its n00b writers and director can handle. Don’t get me wrong, director William Brent Bell is obviously somewhat of a gamer himself and he brings that knowledge to the film. But even his expertise cannot bring this film to the level of bearable mediocrity.
Later on, you will find my usual Flick Figures section, but I probably should have used it to list the multitude of plot holes and inconsistencies in the film. Now, I understand every film has its share of story problems. Heck, the horror genre is probably the most notorious for it! But there is a line you have to draw: a line separating plot holes that you can overlook from ones that just confuse the viewer.
The writing is completely horrendous as well. The dialogue is just plain boring most of the time… and the times that it isn’t, you can’t really understand what they are saying because the sound quality of the film pretty much sucked. Plus, poor writing almost always causes poor acting and that is definitely the case here. I actually couldn’t even enjoy the usually entertaining Frankie Muniz because I just couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth.
It is pretty sad when my favorite part of the movie (besides the credits rolling) is when Muniz’ character let’s some hardcore vulgarities fly out of that still 10-year-old-looking mouth. That’s right folks, little Malcolm says “…punk-a** b**ch mother-f***er”. I was floored with delight.
And for some reason, the two lead roles (Foster and Samaire Armstrong) reminded me of Shaggy and Scooby Doo. Maybe it was Foster’s red hair, or Armstrong following her would-be boyfriend around like a puppy dog... or maybe it was that blue Mystery machine van they all drive around in. It kind of makes you wonder when the big "reveal scene" is.
Worst of all, this film was shot mostly in New Orleans, Louisiana. Unfortunately, you would have no idea just by looking at the cinematography. Downtown New Orleans looks about as lively as Yakutsk, Siberia. Maybe that’s unfair, but come on… New Orleans is a beautiful city and that whole angle is completely wasted because of shoddy camerawork.
Oh my gosh, and I almost forgot about the score. Yeah, if you watch the credits long enough, the soundtrack information will come up. Be careful though because if you blink you’ll miss the one song in the movie. One song, folks. Instead, Bell thought it would be a good idea to use sound effects instead. Er, I mean, sound effect… as in just the one effect. The sound of a vibrating game controller is used in every darn scene where something strange is about to happen. That isn’t poor, it’s just plain sad.
Stay Alive tries to do so many things, but fails at every single one of them. When it comes to horror, I am the kind of person who will usually recommend seeing anything at least one time… even the infamous not-so-great ones. But believe me when I say that you are missing absolutely nothing if you walk past Stay Alive at your local Blockbuster store. There is virtually no gore (even in the director’s cut there are quick cuts all over the place), the quick flash of boobies can be found on any other better film, and Muniz’ foul mouth can probably be found on YouTube by now.
Flick Figures: 8 dead bodies; 1 bloody eye; 1 death-roll; nails to the chest, neck, and head; throats slashed; gratuitous séance; hanging by chain; head torn apart; third degree burns; bong-fu; horse-drawn carriage-fu; up, up, down, down, left, right, B, A-fu; a potty-mouthed Frankie Muniz; and a special appearance by Elmer Fudd’s daughter (if you watch the movie, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.)
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