‘Piranha 3DD’ lacks scares’ sexuality of ‘Piranha 3D’

Killer fish are back for more in 'Piranha 3DD'
Killer fish are back for more in ‘Piranha 3DD’

Our Score:

I myself am not a woman, so I’m not an expert in bras. But I always thought that the DD measurement was to indicate a relatively big size, having more breast than average.

Piranha 3DD, however, feels like it has quite less than average. Not just less breasts, but less scares, less laughs, and less fun than its predecessor, which was titled a mere Piranha 3D.

Posted for 'Piranha 3DD'
Posted for ‘Piranha 3DD’

The Spring Break location of the last film’s killer party is, unsurprisingly, now pretty much a ghost town. So Chet (David Koechner) has taken it upon himself to fill the debauchery void. He’s reinvented his water park as an adult-themed locale called The Big Wet, where admission for girls and “hot moms” costs less than it does for kids. The lifeguards have been replaced with strippers and the nude pools have “cooch cams” that broadcast on monitors for all to see. And for the grand opening in two days, they’ve booked a special guest: David Hasselhoff.

His stepdaughter Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), a marine biologist, is aghast at the changes made, but her friends are more open to them. As they hang out at the nearby waters, they begin to be attacked by these vicious fish. Maddy recognizes them as the piranhas, having seen a YouTube video made by Dr. Goodman (Christopher Lloyd). She and her friends take a drive to visit the doctor, and learn that the piranhas are travelling through man-made water systems.

[springboard type=”video” id=”1598621" player=”tlsl011_1592275" ]

So basically this means that the opening of Big Wet will be a bloodbath. Will they manage to convince Chet of the danger? If you think they do, you probably need to see some more of these movies.

There isn’t much to it. No literally, there isn’t. The meat of the movie is an hour and ten minutes, with the rest of the running time spent on the credits with extra scenes and bloopers.  Even for something with limited ambition, that’s much too little. Perhaps more can be done exploring what the park has to offer, since all I really came away with was a slide and a couple pools. The local playground has more to offer.

Still plenty of bikini babes in 'Piranha 3DD'
Still plenty of bikini babes in ‘Piranha 3DD’

This could be alright if that time was stuffed with many worthwhile moments, but that’s not really the case. The violence and sexuality, although somewhat copious compared to the average movie, pale in comparison what was featured in Piranha 3D. There are some good shots, but nothing that grabs in the way that those in the predecessor did. Nor is it funny on a consistent basis. It’s only towards the end that we see flashes of the hilarity that should have been present throughout.

But the actors do well in their parts, and Lloyd seems to be enjoying his character some more. Also back are Ving Rhames and Paul Scheer, who add some welcome humor. And as one of Maddy’s friends, Katrina Bowden walks away with the best line in the movie and delivers it perfectly.

Piranha 3DD needs some more surgery. Or maybe it is very much like DD jobs: fake and lacking.

Piranha 3DD (2012)
Piranha 3DD poster Rating: 3.8/10 (30,762 votes)
Director: John Gulager
Writer: Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan, Joel Soisson, Pete Goldfinger (characters), Josh Stolberg (characters)
Stars: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Katrina Bowden, Jean-Luc Bilodeau
Runtime: 83 min
Rated: R
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Released: 11 May 2012
Plot: After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.

And Palladino

And Palladino is a graduate of Connecticut College with a BA in film studies. He has been writing about films since the age of 14 when he first started contributing to the Home News Tribune newspaper in New Jersey. You may have seen him buying drugs on Person of Interest or in The Wolf of Wall Street around the office, and will be in the upcoming films Noah and A Little Game. He has also worked on the documentary for the band Leftover Crack, and wrote the short story e-book Ernie’s Journey, which can be downloaded for free from the iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, or smashwords.com.

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